conquering the 'fear factor'

When we chose the butterfly as a symbol for Re-visioning retirement it was because butterflies are free and resourceful, beautiful, fragile, tough, and the very essence of re-invention having been 'mere' caterpillars not long before. What never occurred to us about butterflies was the well known sensation of having them in the tummy.

Yet tummies full of butterflies is one way to describe our first workshop group. The people attached to the tummies were dynamic and more than competent in their current roles; nonetheless they were anxious about retiring, about leaving current work behind and finding new ways to use their energy and creativity. 'Fearful' was the word they mostly used.

Cartoon03.jpg That is entirely understandable. In fact, it would be a bit weird to not feel that way. Gradually the group put together a short list of reasons why feeling fearful made sense:

Having all this possibility has never happened to me before - this open space. In the past there has been one door opening and you took advantage of it because it was the only door I could see - I didn't know any other doors or look for them.
What I know at the moment doesn't feel like enough to know what to do next.
For me fearfulness comes from that set of nagging questions: do I have the skill? am I being idealistic or grandiose in my dream for 'what next'?
Even talking about what I'd like to do next terrifies me because it's like taking an inexorable step to making it real and I'm still not at all sure I can bring it off.
Who am I if I am not a.?
It's like going to a new place. When I moved to Australia I was not concerned that I didn't know anyone - it was that no one knew me.

But along with understanding the very sensible reasons for anxiety came much longer and even more animated discussions about developing the confidence and supports to become, as one person put it, "bigger than the fear". The fear stays the same size, but the person grows - "ripens" one said, which is a nice, if slightly ambiguous, way of describing it.

No magic wands or silver bullets here. What was interesting, though, was to listen to the ways these women had become 'bigger than their fears' in the past. One prepared meticulously before initiating a divorce, which included the eminently practical step of readying the house to be put on the market. Another kept one foot back in the job and gradually, almost secretly, worked on the new plan. And having experienced a major transition in the past (sometimes involuntarily) lent them a bit of confidence that they could do it again, despite the embedded butterflies.

Then a different perspective entered the frame. Maybe we could make our fears smaller - or at least try to - because it became noticeable over the workshop sessions that people did hedge their ideas about future ventures with caveats like: "but I don't have a natural talent for that, of course".

Do we build needless barriers, needless anxieties by limiting our sense of self? Well, yes, if you listened closely, that's exactly what we often seemed to be doing. The problem was elegantly phrased by one participant: "tacit assumptions crawl in - perhaps they sneak in through a tiny opening when one thing doesn't go well - and then we make a judgment that misshapes all the energy we take into the next experience."

The fear factor is a natural companion on many transition journeys. It's a good idea before setting off to ensure the fears are warranted, that we haven't packed extra unhelpful and unnecessary ones. Then it's time to tackle the challenge of becoming bigger than the justified fears. Or, to mix metaphors, to tackle the challenge of liberating the butterflies.